I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
