You kept calling me your small dog last night.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
