he thought i was a dude.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
