? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Mom said you looked used
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
