dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
