Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
