someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
