Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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