Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He has the fingertips of a God
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
