alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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