You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
