whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
