this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
