i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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