i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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