I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
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he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
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I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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