The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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