I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
