You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
