What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
