"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she told me i tasted like america
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
