I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
