Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
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just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
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I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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