Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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