how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Randomize
