Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
