if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
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