a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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