i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
