Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
