Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
