But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
