Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
