No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
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I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
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I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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