I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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