You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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