Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
