I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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