Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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