Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
