I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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