I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
