She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Houston, we have a squirter
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
