Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
