The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
