a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
