last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
