Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
