I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
