Your tits are I can't wait for
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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