I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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