i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
