Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
