i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
