So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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