he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
