so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
