I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
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Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
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Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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