Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
