Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
