were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
