SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
