so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
