Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
