tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
