4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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