Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
