I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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