I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
