Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
