Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
did you just send me my own nude
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
