whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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