you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
