Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
