You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
