Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
