watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
