I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
