I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
