Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
