Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
