he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
