i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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