Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
